


Screen C.A.P.S. 5: The Wasabi Bean, and the Roller Derby Queen.

by justinsbuzz



Series: Screen C.A.P.S., with Connie, Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven! [6]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Fluff and Crack, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justinsbuzz/pseuds/justinsbuzz
Summary: The C.A.P.S. crew reviews 'In Dreams' and 'Bismuth Casual" while doing their damnedest to not think about the end. Guest starring: A conflicted Bismuth questioning her feelings.
Relationships: Amethyst/Peridot (Steven Universe), Bismuth/Pearl (Steven Universe), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Lars Barriga/Sadie Miller/Shep
Series: Screen C.A.P.S., with Connie, Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven! [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1481819
Kudos: 11





	Screen C.A.P.S. 5: The Wasabi Bean, and the Roller Derby Queen.

**Author's Note:**

> *inhales*
> 
> S P O I L E R S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
> 
> beyond that, this one is short and kind of clear cut. after writing a story a week for the past few weeks... you might not hear from me much until next weekend... which is what i was doing originally... i'm going to die...

The screen flickered off, revealing the faces of those who had born witness to the return of a few characters, with one of them thought being dead. On the couch sat 4 people, with another sitting on the ground in front of the TV. Steven was sandwiched between Connie and Peridot, who seemed to be on the verge of crying. On the far end of the couch, sitting very uncomfortably was Bismuth, looking into her hands as though she was questioning her existence. And on the ground sat Amethyst, questioning what she had just seen.

“Bruh…” Amethyst sighed. “Don’t get me wrong. Glad to see that you’re still breathing and all, Connie, but… where was I?”

“Odds are, you were in the nether world, surrounded by darkness and despair.” Connie said flatly, holding back her tears as long as she could. “I… I was on 2 straight episodes, and I sang a little bit in one of them! I…. I LIVE AGAIN!”

“Ow…” Steven mumbled after Connie screamed in his ear. “I mean. Yeah. That was awesome… yep.”

“Steven! Did- did you see me! I was there! And I have green eyes! Kehehehehehe!” Peridot giggled.

“Yeah… you did…” Amethyst said to herself. “Like the hills on a misty morning…”

“What’s up, Amethyst?” Peridot asked, seeming to be interested.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Amethyst said, sounding downtrodden.

“I’m sure you’ll come back in another episode…” Steven said, trying to reassure her. “And maybe we’ll have an adventure. Just the 4 of us.”

“Yeah. That… that would be nice.” Amethyst replied, looking back at Steven with a sympathetic smile. Deep down, they both knew the truth.

“Pearl…” Bismuth mumbled. “I mean… she’s great and all, but I never really thought of her like that.”

“Like a romantic interest?” Amethyst asked.

“Y-yeah.” Bismuth replied. “And me… just being there. Pearl having fun with her friends. And there I was, just tagging along on the sidelines. With you, Steven. Plus, you’re in a lot of trouble young lady.”

“Wait. What? Me?!” Connie exclaimed innocently. “Like… ok, not going to lie. You’re going to have to be a bit specific, because there was some part of that episode where I donked up, big time. Or maybe I should say ‘SHE’ donked up big time.”

“What? That was you!” Bismuth complained. “You were there, at the roller rink. Your boyfriend was struggling and you just go and decide to hang out with some friends at school.”

“Eh. Nope. Never been to this ‘cram school’ they called it. I’ve never seen those two before. And I don’t even know how to skate.” Connie stated. “Bismuth, you’re new to this, so… Peridot. Give her a run down.”

“R-right. So. What we just saw there was a show from another dimension, about Steven. but the thing is, is that the difference between our dimension and that one is basically a difference of 50 million less braincells.” Peridot explained, tears rolling down her face as her voice remained steady. “Also, in that dimension, it seems like everyone is abusing Steven to some extent or another, where as in this dimension, we actually love Steven as a best friend, a brother, and even a boyfriend. By the way, Connie, nice pick.”

Connie chuckled as she blushed perfusely.

“You ok there Connie? Saw something you like?” Steven said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. Connie could only bury her face inside of Stevens arm in embarrassment.

“Shut it, Biscuit.” Connie said curtly. “And… yes, I’ll marry you.”

“What?” Steven asked, trying not to sound shocked. “Oh… you mean the leak?”

“A leak?” Bismuth asked.

“Yeah. It seemed like there was some leak in the show about how I end up asking Connie to marry me or something.” Steven explained while blushing. “I don’t quite believe it. But in one of the promos, it looked like there was a picnic, but I did something and things were blown away. And I was glowing Pink, so that’s a thing.”

“Oh… ok. Yeah, I’m seeing what you’re saying peridot. An alternate universe where Steven is more unhinged, everyone uses him without any regards to his feelings, and everyone’s oblivious.” Bismuth said before letting out a deep sigh. “That’s rough, buddy.”

“Tell me about it.” Steven said. “Also, Peridot, I know that’s not you, but what the heck?”

“I Know, right?!” Peridot exclaimed, still latched on to Steven. “I just used you as my own personal video editing machine and recorder. You’re not a toy, Steven. And you sure as hell wouldn’t pull off something like that!”

“How bout you be more specific?” Amethyst asked with a smirk on her face. Steven could only scowl at Amethyst.

“Writing Steven as some netorare adulterer. You would never be that kind of scoundrel.” Peridot whined.

“Damn right I’m not. That was painful to watch!” Steven exclaimed. “Like, it was almost as though I was getting crushed. And then I get crushed by my crush. And then in the next episode, I cave from telling my crush how I feel and just go straight to saying I can’t skate. Ya don’t say, Dingus!”

“Yeah… that… that was painful.” Connie said, a few tears going down her cheek. “I just skated away… Biscuit…”

“It’s not real Connie. This was just a bad head canon. That’s all.” Steven reassured Connie, squeezing her tightly. “Just like that weird ‘Camp Pining Hearts’ show, it’s not real, and shouldn’t be taken seriously.”

“Yeah… but the way you filled those jeans though.” Connie spoke, while making a muted slurping sound.

“Thirsty, Connie?” Amethyst asked, mocking Connie. “It’s Steg all over again.”

“I will vomit on you and I won’t be sorry.” Connie growled.

“Please don’t.” Steven passively pleaded.

“Ok. Yeah. took it too far.” Connie said, regretting everything before looking at Steven. “Hey… you ok?”

“Nope.” Steven said, wiping away a tear. “Like… I was right there. And I get that I didn’t want to cramp your style or anything, but-”

“Nope. Not going to let you fall into that hole, Steven. like you said before. That’s not you.” Connie said, interrupting Steven with a serious tone in her voice. “If that was you, then you would have been open and honest about everything; not knowing how to skate, afraid of loosing me, you being in love with me. that Steven’s been beaten down and traumatized so often and in so many ways that landing on your face a million times would be better than telling the truth. And there I was… odds are, she probably just wanted to give you space, or is completely oblivious to your suffering…”

Connie squeezed Steven tightly.

“Connie…” Steven spoke softly. “You’re right. That’s… that’s not us. But in a way, near the end, that was us. You being there, us fusing, being awesome on the dancefloor, I loved seeing us like that.”

“Maybe… you want to try to learn how to skate sometime?” Connie asked, smiling and wiping away another tear from Steven’s cheek. “We could make a date out of it. Both of us trying and flailing about before we either catch each other, or just hit our heads together and land on the ground so often, we would be as dumb as them.”

Steven snorted loudly in a vain attempt at not laughing.

“That’s a lot of falling.” Steven said, imagining how many time’s Steven would kiss Connie to heal her. The idea of a taking skating lessons on a date night didn’t seem so bad. At least not until Connie said the next thing.

“Awesome. you think we could make it as a double date, though?” Connie asked “Sadie’s been begging me to do a double date with her, Lars, and Shep. And… how bout it?”

Steven seemed squeamish.

“Eh… I dunno. I mean, we could do it, but wouldn’t it be… odd?” Steven asked, feeling guilty by the second. “I kind of thought of dates as just something a little personal…”

“Please… Biscuit?” Connie said with large pleading eyes. “My… my love?”

Steven’s heart was just pierced with a harpoon gun. This wasn’t fair.

“Not cool… the eyes were one thing, but pet names and saying ‘my love’… that’s kind of crossing the line…” Steven said in shock. “And for that… ok, fine.”

Connie could do nothing squeal with delight before she repeatedly kissed Steven’s cheek. He had zero complaints. The mood, sadly, had turned when Bismuth cleared her throat.

“So… this Screen C.A.P.S. thing you guys do, is this part of it?” Bismuth asked. “Like, most of the time, just these two lovebirds fawning over each other?”

“Pretty much” Amethyst said, sighing. “Then again, we haven’t done a Screen C.A.P.S. thing in a while, and Connie hasn’t been seen in ages. And if the new synopsis is anything to go by… yeah. Might end up packing our bags, going to Burbank, and figuring out what the deal is with Rebecca doing Steven dirty like she has been.”

“I never thought I would hear a sentence that terrible today.” Bismuth spoke. “Then again, I’m still trying to process Pearl. Like… does she like me? Is she playing a game? Am… I a game?”

“Honestly, that Pearl is a playa with a capital P.” Amethyst replied. “Ours is a bit more reserved. She’s got friends though, but I doubt she’s romantically involved with anyone. Not sure what happened to ‘Mystery girl’.”

“So… She’s single?” Bismuth asked timidly, causing a lot of glances from everyone in the room.

“I… Maybe.” Steven answered nervously. “Like, I mean, she’s single, but not sure about the mingle part. I’ve kind of been avoiding her and Garnet.”

“Why?” Amethyst asked.

“Eh… I dunno. If I’m not some important leader who has to save the world 24/7, I’m just in the way.” Steven replied, resting his head on top of Connies, who was resting hers on Stevens chest. “But I guess it’s ok. Cause I got you guys. Best friends, my sister, my soul mate. I’m… happy with this.”

“But what did you say about a synopsis, Amethyst?” Connie asked.

“Actually, I found it.” Peridot spoke, seemingly to have been forgotten by everyone else. “But before I touch on that subject, may I just draw everyone elses attention to the fact that STEVE AND I HUNG OUT!”

“Peri, you’re hanging out with us now.” Steven said.

“No. I mean, in the show, they finally hung out. A bottle episode with Steven and his ultra-intelligent and charismatic best friend PERIDOT!” Peridot cheered, drawing the ire of Connie.

“Excuse me?” Connie asked. “That sounds a heck of a lot like me.”

“Well, yeah, here in the real world. But in the show, you’re completely oblivious for the most part.” Peridot said with a smug look on her face. But even after thinking about it, Connie nodded and signal her to continue. “Not only that, he opened up to me! Said he was going through so much with the diamonds. Dealing with people leaving him. His strained romantic feelings with the dumber version of you. I’m… I’m the new Garnet! TAKE THAT, CUBE CLOD MOM!”

“I want to argue that. I really do. but the show is… Is that show just another version of us, but in hell?” Bismuth asked, looking at the TV screen.

“Yeah. It’s safe to say that it is. But just little bits and pieces of it have some gems, and I’m not talking about us.” Peridot said, just before a torrent of groans and pillows were thrown. “AS I WAS SAYING! The show is careening towards what those in certain fanfic circles as ‘A bad end’. This is usually because of large plot-holes, out-of-character characters, and unresolved issues that’s getting worse all the freaking time!”

“So… end of that AU story?”

“Yeah. pretty much…” Steven said, sounding deflated.

“So… what happens when it ends, then?” Bismuth asked the group. 

And in an instant, a deep silence befell upon them. This was a question that had been festering in the back of their minds for a while now. A darkness they had to stave off on a daily basis of their lives.

“We… we try not to think about it.” Connie said, squeezing Steven’s hand while feeling touch starved.

“I know, but… you’re going to need to sometime.” Bismuth said before changing her tone. “But… I’ll be around when it happens. We’ll find something to watch when it happens.”

“Thanks, Bismuth.” Steven said, stretching out and patting Bismuth on her upper arm. Connie did not want to move. “I mean, you’re kind of a special guest, but we would love to have you around more often. What are your thoughts about tonight’s episodes?”

“Well, the first one was cute as heck. Weird seeing Steven looking like all beefy, but Connsidian looked like a freaking boss!” Bismuth said, bumping Connie’s knuckles when she presented them. “And the second one… left me feeling… conflicted? It was great seeing you two like that, don’t get me wrong, but… It’s ok. I think I just got a lot of stuff to think about.”

“It’s ok.” Steven said. “The show sometimes has that effect on people.”

“For instance, I’m not too sure about college. Or at least going someplace too far. I have 2 years to think about that kind of stuff. And have no idea what I want to do.” Connie said, shrugging. “Even my mom said that I shouldn’t have to be grinding away for something so far off. She watches the show too. And I have to remind her that it’s just a show.”

“It left me thinking about my relationship with Pearl and Garnet and how little we have in common.” Amethyst said, sounding depressed for a few moments. “Then I just had to learn to live with myself while someone I like is dating someone… I think?”

Everyone in the room was shocked by what Amethyst had said. Peridot was the one that was hit the worse.

“Um… Got something you wanna-” Steven tried to ask Amethyst a question only to be cut off.

“Nope” Amethyst said bluntly.

“So, those episode descriptions for next Friday?” Steven asked Peridot, who was dazed and only a little confused.

“Oh, ‘Together forever’ and ‘Growing pains’.” Amethyst replied. “Knowing Rebecca’s twisted sense of humor, the first one is where you two are no longer friends anymore. And the second is where Steven is corrupted. Fuuuuuun times here in Screen C.A.P.S.”

Steven and Connie looked at each other for a few moments before one of them had to act.

“Yeah… Just a shame that we don’t have a T.V. to watch it on.” Steven said, picking up the flat screen T.V., and walked it out to the porch. “Cause this one is corrupted”

Steven began to spin around, using centripetal motion to hurl the T.V. as far as he could into the sea.

“So… Next week… field trip?

**Author's Note:**

> Next time, it can go both ways:
> 
> 1: Connie, Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven watch the inevitable decent into madness.
> 
> 2: Connie, Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven go to market night down near Funland. the only person to be preoccupied was Peridot, who may have found something disturbing.
> 
> If it's a really bad/jarring episode, I'm giving them the vacation they deserve.


End file.
